Resources | Dating Violence

When Teen Dating Hurts

Parents often don't realize it, but their teenage daughters -- and sometimes sons -- are being punched, threatened, isolated and disparaged by their adolescent partners. In fact, one recent study indicates that teen girls face relationship violence three times more than adult women.


Teen Research Unlimited questioned more than a thousand teens about dating abuse in a study commissioned by Liz Claiborne, Inc., released in February 2006.

They found that:

  • One in five teens report being hit, slapped or punched by a boyfriend or girlfriend.
  • One third worry about their physical safety.
  • A quarter say they've been isolated from their family and friends, and more than half say they've compromised their own beliefs to please a partner.
  • Perhaps most shocking -- many teens think this dating behavior is "normal."

Teens are often reluctant to tell anyone they are being abused. It is very confusing to be in love with someone who hurts you. They are torn between defending their partner and wanting protection from him. Like with adult victims, most teen victims only want the abuse to end, not the relationship.


WARNING SIGNS
It's not always easy to recognize if a teen is in a violent relationship. Abusers are often charming in public, especially to parents -- so pay attention to how he treats your daughter and less to how polite he may be to you. Here are some other signs to look for:

  • She apologizes for his behavior and makes excuses for him.
  • She loses interest in activities that she used to enjoy.
  • She stops seeing friends and family members and becomes more and more isolated.
  • When your daughter and her boyfriend are together, he calls her names and puts her down in front of other people.
  • - He acts extremely jealous of others who pay attention to her, especially other guys.
  • - He thinks or tells your daughter that you (her parents) don't like him.
  • He controls her behavior, checking up on her constantly, calling and paging her, demanding to know who she has been with.
  • She casually mentions his violent behavior, but laughs it off as a joke.
  • She often has unexplained injuries, or the explanations she offers don't make sense.

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